did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
