3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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