i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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