the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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