were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
