I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
