Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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