Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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