I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
