"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
