"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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