hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
