DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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