We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
