i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize