dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
