At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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