Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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