i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All I want is dick and wine.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He shit in the fireplace
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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