I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
