A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize