thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
