i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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