that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
