Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
