he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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