Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
