That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
