Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
