he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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