I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
