could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
