Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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