The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
