if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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