I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
