ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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