What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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