Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
