that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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