so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
