u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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