Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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