Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
