I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
