I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
