you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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