If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
