He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
