i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
