We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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