I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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