just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
