You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
