I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize