I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
