Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
