You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize