i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
