she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
