Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sorry my hands just texted you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
