That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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