I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
