Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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