I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
