Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
