my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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