Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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