yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
