I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
