What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So apparently I’m into choking now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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