I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
