my mouth tastes like poor choices
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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