areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
