the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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