Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
that is very illegal...i love you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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