Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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