Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
