1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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