I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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