im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
