Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
