That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
