I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
be right there i have to get my cape
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
