i think i have two assholes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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