look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
