So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
