LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
