I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
