____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
