What a fucking waste of an outfit
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
