my vag is so smooth its legendary
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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