"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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