He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't put those talents on a resume
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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