I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
