no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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