Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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