I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
