I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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