we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
