oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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