12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's rum buckets o'clock
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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