I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
