I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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