birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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