Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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