I feel great
I just peed on a car
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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