i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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