That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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