just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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