Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize