It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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